By Harvey Mackay

Disagreements happen. You can’t always get your way. Everyone has an opinion. There are two sides to every argument.

When you’re dealing with family or friends, you expect to have differences of opinion. Perhaps you are willing to fight for your views and what’s important to you. And often, because of the personal relationships you have, you find a way to work things out.

At work, the dynamic is very different. The professional relationships you develop are based more on achieving success and moving up. Of course, you’ve become friends too, but competition is still part of the system. You want to be seen as a team player, but you want your ideas respected. You don’t want to get a reputation for making trouble. You need to be picky about picking fights.

Disputes that are not worth pursuing fall into several categories:

• The other person will not change. Perhaps they are just as grounded in their principles as you are, and not willing to listen or consider another point of view. Compromise may not be an option in any case.
• The results won’t change the outcome substantially. Think hard about whether it is more important to get your way or to just let it go.
• All the facts aren’t available. Decisions need to be based on the best possible information. Guessing to fill in the blanks will not benefit anyone.
• Other issues are more important. Keep your priorities straight and concentrate on the most pressing issues. Not all issues carry the same weight.
• You’re just trying to prove yourself, not improve the situation. What you will prove is that your ego is more important than the problem you are trying to solve.
• You really have no chance of winning. You may be a voice in the wilderness, and 100 percent correct in your assessment, but save your breath until you can realistically bring others around.

But there are valid reasons for holding your ground, which need no explanation. Pursue a fight when: Your own ideas are being stolen. Your reputation is at stake. Your company’s reputation is being threatened. The action being taken is unethical or illegal. And cost is a major factor.

When an argument ensues, focus on the issue, not the person raising the objection. Make sure your facts are correct and complete. Have documentation available to back up your points. Stay calm — yelling and ranting make you look out of control rather than on top of the issue. Respect the other people and let them have their say. Compromise wherever possible. Bear in mind that you will be working with these co-workers and the success of future dealings hinges on how you treat them.

Letting a disagreement fester is counterproductive in many ways: It creates a hostile workplace, discourages teamwork, wastes time and resources, and in the end, accomplishes nothing. Everyone loses.

Fortunately, with some preparation, you can improve your chances of persuading others to consider your ideas. If I know I’m going into difficult negotiations, I don’t want the result to be an argument. I want everyone to feel like they contributed to the solution. It has to be a win-win situation. Here’s how I proceed:

• Anticipate the sticking points. I never walk into a presentation or meeting without considering what issues and objections might arise. I develop a game plan to deal with concerns and to convince them that the solution I am proposing will address their objection.
• Stay on topic. Stick to the issues, and redirect the conversation back to the original issue if conversation wanders.
• Don’t take objections personally. Pay close attention to the reasons others are challenging your ideas, and try to see the issues from their perspective. If my solution creates a new problem for them, I am willing to reconsider. The point is to solve problems.
• Ask for help. I look to advisers and employees for great ideas. This accomplishes two things: It helps me see the problems from several points of view, and it demonstrates that I am willing to be a team player. I want the best ideas out there, and I don’t always care where they come from.

Differences of opinion don’t have to be dead ends. Learn how to pick your battles, and put your energy into finding the best possible solutions.

Mackay’s Moral: You have a right to fight for what’s right.

[Ed Note: To learn more about handling disagreements in the workplace effectively, without wasting time or money, check out ETR's Epiphany Alliance personal success program. From your personal mentor Bob Cox, you'll learn dozens of techniques for organizing your life at home and at work so you can achieve all your most important goals. Find out more here.

Harvey Mackay has written five New York Times bestselling books, two of which were named among the top 15 inspirational business books of all time -- Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive and Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt. His latest book, Use Your Head to Get Your Foot in the Door: Job Search Secrets No One Else Will Tell You, was released on Feb. 18. Harvey is a nationally syndicated columnist and has been named one of the top five speakers in the world by Toastmasters International. He is chairman of the $100 million MackayMitchell Envelope Company, a company he started in 1960.]

All investors are not created equal. That’s why financial planners start their first client meetings with a discussion of money attitudes, goals and risk tolerance – the driver at the root of all investment decisions. Some planners do this by general conversation, others by detailed surveys they ask their clients to fill out.

The survey route can be a more valuable tool because it forces clients to face their money issues, perhaps for the first time. Despite the difficulty in facing up to such key issues, individuals get a better idea of where their money strengths and weaknesses really lie.  Often, the real difficulties lie in how money is spent.

The real value of answering a lot of questions about your risk tolerance is to tell you what you don’t know – how the sources of your money, the way you made it, your money viewpoints and current methods of handling it will inform every decision you make about it in the future.

The most important thing a questionnaire can reveal is your true money priorities and behaviors. Trained financial advisers, such as CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professionals – use both conversation and surveys to reach some firm answers that might surprise you.

Are there particular money types? In reality, you’ll find quite a number of surveys out there that define money types in particular ways, but you’ll find personalities that are common on the scale from conservative to liberal. Deborah L. Price, a Financial Planning Association member and founder and CEO of the Money Coaching Institute, offers these scenarios in an article titled, “What’s Your Money Personality?”:

The Innocent: Price notes that innocents often live in denial, are easily overwhelmed by financial information and rely heavily on the advice and opinions of others. They tend to be the most trusting because they generally don’t see people or situations clearly – which leaves them open to bad decisions at best and fraud at worst.

The Victim: She notes that victims are people who tend to live in the past and blame their woes on outside factors and situations they claim they can’t control. These people may have been abused, betrayed, or have suffered some great financial loss, but they generally see life as a self-fulfilling prophecy that they can’t change.

The Warrior: Generally seen as a successful person in the business and financial worlds, they will listen to advisors, but they make their own decisions. They tend to be great caretakers.

The Martyr: These people generally put other people before their own financial health. They use their money to rescue others based on their high expectations for themselves and the people they’re rescuing, but these decisions may be costly in the long run.

The Fool: The Fool, explains Price, is a combination of the Innocent and the Warrior because they have no clue about what they’re doing but they’ll act fearlessly. They are financially adventurous and they act on impulse.

The Creator/Artist: These people often have a love/hate relationship with money. They’re constantly struggling to make their finances work, but they often feel that caring about money means something bad.

The Tyrant: price reports that this type hoards money and uses it to manipulate others. They may have everything they need, but they’re never comfortable with their lives because they fear losing control.

The Magician: Price defines the The Magician as the ideal money type. They’re aware of their circumstances and responsibilities and can see situations very clearly.

A financial planner tries to see through the static to find out what you really need to create a solid financial life. But it might make sense to ask yourself a few questions before you and your planner sit down:

1. How would you describe your financial status right now?
2. What’s important about money to you?
3. What’s your family history with money?
4. What do you do with your money?
5. If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with your life?
6. Has the way you’ve made your money – through work, marriage or inheritance – affected the way you think about it in a particular way?
7. How much debt do you have and how do you feel about it?
8. Are you more concerned about maintaining the value of your initial investment or making a profit from it?
9. Are you willing to give up that stability for the chance at long-term growth?
10. What are you most likely to enjoy spending money on?
11. How would you feel if the value of your investment dropped for several months?
12. How would you feel if the value of your investment dropped for several years?
13. If you had to list three things you really wanted to do with your money, what would they be?
14. What does retirement mean to you? Does it mean quitting work entirely and doing whatever you want to do or working in a new career full- or part-time?
15. Do you want kids? Do you understand the financial commitment?
16. If you have kids, do you expect them to pay their own way through college or will you pay for all or part of it? What kind of shape are you in to afford their college education?
17. How’s your health and your health insurance coverage?
18. What kind of physical and financial shape are your parents in?

One of the toughest aspects of getting a financial plan going is recognizing how your personal style, mindset, and life situation might affect your investment decisions. A financial professional will understand this challenge and can help you think through your choices. Your resulting portfolio should feel like a perfect fit for you!

March 2010 — This column is produced by the Financial Planning Association, the membership organization for the financial planning community, and is provided by Martin V Higgins, CFP , a local member of FPA

A June 2009 article in the American Journal of Medicine reported that medical bills are behind more than 60 percent of U.S. personal bankruptcies, adding that more than 75 percent of these bankrupt families had health insurance but still were overwhelmed by their medical debts.

The article, based on research from Harvard Law School, Harvard Medical School and Ohio University, underscores how a single health crisis can financially destroy both individuals and families. It is information that underscores the need for adequate planning ahead of any health crisis, particularly when known risk factors exist in a family. A financial expert such as a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional can help individuals determine if their insurance and savings options are adequate to handle the possibility of any future health crisis.

If you have time to prepare, most financial planners will advise:

• Creation of an adequate emergency fund to cover several months (usually a minimum of three months and, even better, up to a year) of family expenses if a patient can’t work during their treatment;
• Purchase of separate disability insurance to pay everyday expenses since company-bought disability coverage will likely be limited – the benefits on any individual policy need to be coordinated with the group policy;
• Creation of health care advance directives, health care powers of attorney and financial powers of attorney, health care proxies (each state has a “preferred” document that is accepted; clients need to execute the form for their state of residence) and DNR forms among the examples.
• Building lists of critical phone numbers, major assets and where information on each can be found on investment accounts and other key information in case the person is incapacitated;
• Communicate funeral plans to family members in writing so that wishes can be implemented in the event of death. Even better, complete a personal death awareness document that covers both the practical aspects of death and the interior emotional aspects of death.

But if you’re suddenly faced with a frightening, expensive and potentially life-threatening diagnosis without such preparation, here are some basic steps to take:

Start by realizing it’s not all about the money: If you or someone you love is sick, obtain the best care possible, not what your bank account and health insurance can buy.  A CFP^® professional with experience in dealing with healthcare issues can help you assess your financial situation against various goals for retirement, your expenses, your children’s education and other matters.

Grill the patient’s insurance agent or HR person: If you or family members have bought health insurance through an agent or your employer, insist that they explain exactly what the plan covers and where your deductibles do and don’t apply. Generally, a serious illness will quickly use up the deductible (this is where your emergency fund is important). Pay attention to how much the insurance will pay and how much you’ll pay out of pocket once the deductible is exhausted.

Check on experimental treatment and see how it will affect coverage: If the diagnosis is cancer or some other potentially life-threatening illness, in addition to tried and true treatments, research medical centers offering clinical trials. And, keep in mind that some insurance plans might look askance at certain treatments that could potentially lead to other health issues. Err toward caution in these matters, but if the insurer approves, see if such experimental treatment can get you a break on costs.

Get those directives in order: A health care advance directive is a formal, preferably notarized instruction sheet for doctors to follow in case you or family members are incapacitated. The most commonly known health care directive is a do-not-resuscitate (DNR) order. A health care power of attorney designates a particular individual — a spouse, a friend, an adult child — to carry out your medical wishes if you are incapacitated. Meanwhile, financial powers of attorney designate an individual to handle financial affairs if the sick or deceased are single or did not designate joint tenants for certain assets. Again, each state follows a particular set of documents.

If there isn’t a will or a complete estate plan, make one: A will doesn’t have to be enormously detailed to relieve problems for survivors, but it can create enormous problems if it doesn’t exist. If there is no executed will, the estate is intestate, which means that property is distributed by state laws. Yet it makes even more sense to review all of a patient’s assets to determine if more detailed directives are necessary and most important, to make sure beneficiaries on insurance, retirement accounts and other investments are up to date.

Consider whether you can make monetary support a gift: It’s good to get tax and financial advice on making a one-time gift to support the patient. Would the potential loss of money injure you, and worse, will it injure the relationship? If you don’t think you will be repaid would you be willing to consider it a gift?

Ask for generics and samples: Many physicians are willing to recommend a generic substitute or at least supply you with a few samples of the drug they’re already prescribing. While doctors can’t get away with passing sample drugs to all their patients, always ask. As long as they are prescribing the medication, samples with the proper dosage can provide cost savings to patients.

Begin negotiations before there’s a financial problem: The best time to speak with hospital bean counters isn’t when you’re behind on your payments. Once a diagnosis is made, either you or someone you designate as your agent needs to contact the hospital business office to check on payment schedules and possible discount plans if you are uninsured or fear your insurance may not cover a significant portion of costs. Any creditor appreciates a customer who’s willing to come to the table first.

February 2010 — This column is produced by the Financial Planning Association, the membership organization for the financial planning community, and is provided by Martin V Higgins, CFP , a local member of FPA.

Valentine’s Day might not be the best time to focus on money, but some married couples are taking the unusual step of re-setting the clock on money issues both good and bad with a legal document called a postnuptial agreement.

A postnuptial agreement is a contract between spouses. It is similar to a prenuptial agreement except it is signed during marriage to protect assets in case of divorce or separation.

Prenuptial agreements get plenty of press when high-profile divorces happen, such as the media frenzy over golfer Tiger Woods and his marital troubles. But postnups can be seen more positively as a reset button to accommodate wealth that’s accumulated since the marriage or as a way to add transparency and correct past money behaviors that were tearing the marriage asunder. In some cases, this kind of “divorce planning” might actually create harmony in a relationship

Under what circumstances are postnups written? Triggers could include:

• One partner — or both – handling money poorly. A postnup might be used to force full disclosure on both sides and establish a new system for managing money responsibly in the future.
• The building of a significant business or other acquisition of sizable assets. A postnup could be part of an overall financial and estate review for a couple that’s worked hard to start a business together or inherited wealth. They might want to set certain protections in place that weren’t in existence when the couple married or started the business.

Postnups can be expensive to arrange. Both sides generally need to engage separate legal counsel to review the legality of the document as well as coordinate with accountants and tax and estate attorneys. They may even delve significantly into business operations as well, requiring an examination of strategy of valuation and succession planning.

If you and your spouse are considering whether a postnuptial agreement is right for you, it makes sense to talk with a trained financial expert first, such as a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional. If the problem is money, it’s best to talk through options with an objective professional who handles financial planning for a living. It might be possible to work out those issues without a need for a document that will take significant expense to produce due to the need for attorneys as well as tax and estate professionals.

Some common questions to ask in preparation of a postnuptial agreement:

What problem are we trying to fix or what behavior are we trying to change? This is the central question when trying to remake a financial life. A CFP^® professional can help a couple determine the root causes for the financial issues they’re facing and determine how much support they really need. A CFP^® professional can help both sides come to the table with disclosure of debt, assets and other business, employment and investment issues of relevance.

What about our families? Minor and adult children are part of any new financial agreements you make during your marriage. If there’s a family business at stake, there needs to be a discussion about how a postnuptial agreement will affect a split of assets that might affect their future inheritance or career options. There may be alimony and other support arrangements already in place for ex-spouses and children from earlier marriages as well as elderly parents to support. All of these financial requirements need to be part of the discussion.

Is there debt? And if so, how much? If one or both sides in the marriage have been hiding this information, disclosure is part of the process. Both sides must be willing to reveal their savings, investments and debt figures – every dime. Both should start the process of talking about how that debt should be paid off – by the person who accrued it, or by both potential spouses. Couples also need to decide how they will handle debt going forward – jointly or separately.

Are there investments? Again, this might be a disclosure issue, particularly if one or both sides are hiding assets or simply have lost track of them. There might also be wide differences on how investments should be managed and even what types of investments are appropriate.

What about the business? If one or both spouses run their own companies or partnerships and there has never been a serious effort at succession or estate planning, all of these efforts need to be linked. If there is a fear that the marriage may fail, both sides may want to have a plan in place for disposition or purchase of the assets. This is particularly necessary if the goal is to keep the company in the hands of the founding family so those assets can be passed on to the next generation.

What about everyday expenses? If one or both sides believe that certain expenses are a burden, it’s time to talk about reallocating responsibilities. This might be as simple as consolidating bank accounts in both names so there’s transparency over everyday finances.

What about insurance? Life, health, home, and disability – all coverage that singles hold separately needs to be reviewed and consolidated to make sure that coverage is adequate going forward.

What about our estates? There should be separate wills and supporting documents on who will get what investments, personal and business assets with updated beneficiaries – particularly when children from first marriages are involved. This new look at finances might benefit from an examination of various trust agreements to protect and direct assets for future generations, particularly for blended families or families that might blend after a breakup.  And no matter how young or old the couple, healthcare directives need to be made.

What about retirement? Retirement discussions go beyond money. Couples should decide how they want to live in retirement, whether they’ll continue to work and how they’ll deal with illness. This is a particularly important discussion if one spouse is significantly older than the other and may retire years ahead.

When done correctly, a postnuptial agreement can benefit both spouses. The very process of working on this arrangement can be a positive exercise for many couples.  Whether or not the marriage ends in a divorce, couples can breathe easier knowing they can protect what they each own.

February 2010 — This column is produced by the Financial Planning Association, the membership organization for the financial planning community, and is provided by Martin V Higgins,CFP , a local member of FPA.

The death of a loved one is a paralyzing event. Many survivors find it difficult, if not impossible to start dealing with the financial afterlife of a spouse even if they’ve planned extraordinarily well.

Consider then, the one single element that can turn this difficult process into a lengthy nightmare and potential financial disaster for a surviving spouse – the deceased’s outstanding debt.

Married couples — particularly those who hold credit cards jointly and keep month-to-month balances on them – really need to pay attention. And we’re not simply talking about elderly spouses. A spouse can die at any time.

The earlier a married couple focuses on the joint issues of credit management and estate planning, the better. And a financial advisor like a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ can tie the necessary elements of estate, retirement and debt planning together because they absolutely need to be.

While the following information can be a guide for individuals who have lost a spouse, it’s a much better guide for couples in good health who want to alleviate major financial problems for their survivors later on.

Just remember: The worst time to deal with joint or separate credit issues is after the funeral. Some key points to consider:

Joint credit in moderation…or not at all:  If spouses have separate credit, then their rating won’t be affected by the spouse’s bad credit behavior (late payments, charge-offs, bankruptcies, etc.).  Joint credit leaves the surviving spouse with a total obligation for any debt remaining on a car loan, credit card, mortgage or any other kind of debt.

Watch those “additional card” offers: Again, it might seem like a great idea for both spouses to carry credit cards on the same account, but in death, outstanding balances are often treated the same way as joint account is. It’s not unusual for an issuer to come after the holder of the additional card for that outstanding debt.

They will find you: You’ve never met Big Brother until you’ve tussled with today’s toughened-up lenders. Particularly as problem credit has grown to epidemic proportions, credit card companies in particular have gotten a lot better about determining whether customers have died so they can make a claim against the deceased’s assets. Most states have specific laws that put a timetable on a lender’s ability to make claims against an estate, and executors may have certain responsibilities under those laws to inform those creditors.  A planner or estate attorney can help you go over those requirements in your home state as you’re addressing your estate, retirement and debt issues.

Keep in mind that keeping separate credit won’t protect the estate’s assets: Granted, a deceased partner’s bad credit may not affect your ratings on your separate accounts, but creditors will go after the assets of your shared estate to settle up. So what’s the message here? Keep debt under control at all times.

If the worst happens, what’s the process? It’s important to contact all lenders swiftly to let them know your spouse has died for several reasons. First, identity thieves are getting more sophisticated about checking death notices and tracing that information to their credit accounts. Dealing with a deceased spouse’s debt is one problem. Dealing with an identity theft calamity based on your spouse’s accounts is even worse. Also, if you do have joint accounts, ask the issuer if it will issue the card in your name only, and keep in mind that you will still need to maintain payments on those balances to preserve your credit rating as a single person. Lastly, lenders tend to look askance at customers who fail to make disclosure of a spouse’s death. So matter how tough things are, you need to make these calls.

What about the last joint accounts? For joint accounts, removing the deceased’s name from the account should have no impact on the survivor’s credit score, but the survivor should think twice before he or she closes the account, because it cuts back the amount of credit available to the survivor.

Just get rid of the debt:  Debt-free is the best way to go through any crisis. Couples should strive to be debt-free not only for the good times, but for the awful ones as well.

July 2009 — This column is produced by the Financial Planning Association, the membership organization for the financial planning community, and is provided by Martin V. Higgins, CFP, CLU, AEP, a local member of FPA.