By Harvey Mackay

Disagreements happen. You can’t always get your way. Everyone has an opinion. There are two sides to every argument.

When you’re dealing with family or friends, you expect to have differences of opinion. Perhaps you are willing to fight for your views and what’s important to you. And often, because of the personal relationships you have, you find a way to work things out.

At work, the dynamic is very different. The professional relationships you develop are based more on achieving success and moving up. Of course, you’ve become friends too, but competition is still part of the system. You want to be seen as a team player, but you want your ideas respected. You don’t want to get a reputation for making trouble. You need to be picky about picking fights.

Disputes that are not worth pursuing fall into several categories:

• The other person will not change. Perhaps they are just as grounded in their principles as you are, and not willing to listen or consider another point of view. Compromise may not be an option in any case.
• The results won’t change the outcome substantially. Think hard about whether it is more important to get your way or to just let it go.
• All the facts aren’t available. Decisions need to be based on the best possible information. Guessing to fill in the blanks will not benefit anyone.
• Other issues are more important. Keep your priorities straight and concentrate on the most pressing issues. Not all issues carry the same weight.
• You’re just trying to prove yourself, not improve the situation. What you will prove is that your ego is more important than the problem you are trying to solve.
• You really have no chance of winning. You may be a voice in the wilderness, and 100 percent correct in your assessment, but save your breath until you can realistically bring others around.

But there are valid reasons for holding your ground, which need no explanation. Pursue a fight when: Your own ideas are being stolen. Your reputation is at stake. Your company’s reputation is being threatened. The action being taken is unethical or illegal. And cost is a major factor.

When an argument ensues, focus on the issue, not the person raising the objection. Make sure your facts are correct and complete. Have documentation available to back up your points. Stay calm — yelling and ranting make you look out of control rather than on top of the issue. Respect the other people and let them have their say. Compromise wherever possible. Bear in mind that you will be working with these co-workers and the success of future dealings hinges on how you treat them.

Letting a disagreement fester is counterproductive in many ways: It creates a hostile workplace, discourages teamwork, wastes time and resources, and in the end, accomplishes nothing. Everyone loses.

Fortunately, with some preparation, you can improve your chances of persuading others to consider your ideas. If I know I’m going into difficult negotiations, I don’t want the result to be an argument. I want everyone to feel like they contributed to the solution. It has to be a win-win situation. Here’s how I proceed:

• Anticipate the sticking points. I never walk into a presentation or meeting without considering what issues and objections might arise. I develop a game plan to deal with concerns and to convince them that the solution I am proposing will address their objection.
• Stay on topic. Stick to the issues, and redirect the conversation back to the original issue if conversation wanders.
• Don’t take objections personally. Pay close attention to the reasons others are challenging your ideas, and try to see the issues from their perspective. If my solution creates a new problem for them, I am willing to reconsider. The point is to solve problems.
• Ask for help. I look to advisers and employees for great ideas. This accomplishes two things: It helps me see the problems from several points of view, and it demonstrates that I am willing to be a team player. I want the best ideas out there, and I don’t always care where they come from.

Differences of opinion don’t have to be dead ends. Learn how to pick your battles, and put your energy into finding the best possible solutions.

Mackay’s Moral: You have a right to fight for what’s right.

[Ed Note: To learn more about handling disagreements in the workplace effectively, without wasting time or money, check out ETR's Epiphany Alliance personal success program. From your personal mentor Bob Cox, you'll learn dozens of techniques for organizing your life at home and at work so you can achieve all your most important goals. Find out more here.

Harvey Mackay has written five New York Times bestselling books, two of which were named among the top 15 inspirational business books of all time -- Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive and Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt. His latest book, Use Your Head to Get Your Foot in the Door: Job Search Secrets No One Else Will Tell You, was released on Feb. 18. Harvey is a nationally syndicated columnist and has been named one of the top five speakers in the world by Toastmasters International. He is chairman of the $100 million MackayMitchell Envelope Company, a company he started in 1960.]

All investors are not created equal. That’s why financial planners start their first client meetings with a discussion of money attitudes, goals and risk tolerance – the driver at the root of all investment decisions. Some planners do this by general conversation, others by detailed surveys they ask their clients to fill out.

The survey route can be a more valuable tool because it forces clients to face their money issues, perhaps for the first time. Despite the difficulty in facing up to such key issues, individuals get a better idea of where their money strengths and weaknesses really lie.  Often, the real difficulties lie in how money is spent.

The real value of answering a lot of questions about your risk tolerance is to tell you what you don’t know – how the sources of your money, the way you made it, your money viewpoints and current methods of handling it will inform every decision you make about it in the future.

The most important thing a questionnaire can reveal is your true money priorities and behaviors. Trained financial advisers, such as CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professionals – use both conversation and surveys to reach some firm answers that might surprise you.

Are there particular money types? In reality, you’ll find quite a number of surveys out there that define money types in particular ways, but you’ll find personalities that are common on the scale from conservative to liberal. Deborah L. Price, a Financial Planning Association member and founder and CEO of the Money Coaching Institute, offers these scenarios in an article titled, “What’s Your Money Personality?”:

The Innocent: Price notes that innocents often live in denial, are easily overwhelmed by financial information and rely heavily on the advice and opinions of others. They tend to be the most trusting because they generally don’t see people or situations clearly – which leaves them open to bad decisions at best and fraud at worst.

The Victim: She notes that victims are people who tend to live in the past and blame their woes on outside factors and situations they claim they can’t control. These people may have been abused, betrayed, or have suffered some great financial loss, but they generally see life as a self-fulfilling prophecy that they can’t change.

The Warrior: Generally seen as a successful person in the business and financial worlds, they will listen to advisors, but they make their own decisions. They tend to be great caretakers.

The Martyr: These people generally put other people before their own financial health. They use their money to rescue others based on their high expectations for themselves and the people they’re rescuing, but these decisions may be costly in the long run.

The Fool: The Fool, explains Price, is a combination of the Innocent and the Warrior because they have no clue about what they’re doing but they’ll act fearlessly. They are financially adventurous and they act on impulse.

The Creator/Artist: These people often have a love/hate relationship with money. They’re constantly struggling to make their finances work, but they often feel that caring about money means something bad.

The Tyrant: price reports that this type hoards money and uses it to manipulate others. They may have everything they need, but they’re never comfortable with their lives because they fear losing control.

The Magician: Price defines the The Magician as the ideal money type. They’re aware of their circumstances and responsibilities and can see situations very clearly.

A financial planner tries to see through the static to find out what you really need to create a solid financial life. But it might make sense to ask yourself a few questions before you and your planner sit down:

1. How would you describe your financial status right now?
2. What’s important about money to you?
3. What’s your family history with money?
4. What do you do with your money?
5. If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with your life?
6. Has the way you’ve made your money – through work, marriage or inheritance – affected the way you think about it in a particular way?
7. How much debt do you have and how do you feel about it?
8. Are you more concerned about maintaining the value of your initial investment or making a profit from it?
9. Are you willing to give up that stability for the chance at long-term growth?
10. What are you most likely to enjoy spending money on?
11. How would you feel if the value of your investment dropped for several months?
12. How would you feel if the value of your investment dropped for several years?
13. If you had to list three things you really wanted to do with your money, what would they be?
14. What does retirement mean to you? Does it mean quitting work entirely and doing whatever you want to do or working in a new career full- or part-time?
15. Do you want kids? Do you understand the financial commitment?
16. If you have kids, do you expect them to pay their own way through college or will you pay for all or part of it? What kind of shape are you in to afford their college education?
17. How’s your health and your health insurance coverage?
18. What kind of physical and financial shape are your parents in?

One of the toughest aspects of getting a financial plan going is recognizing how your personal style, mindset, and life situation might affect your investment decisions. A financial professional will understand this challenge and can help you think through your choices. Your resulting portfolio should feel like a perfect fit for you!

March 2010 — This column is produced by the Financial Planning Association, the membership organization for the financial planning community, and is provided by Martin V Higgins, CFP , a local member of FPA